No spiel today. Hope everyone reading is enjoying the holidays, and that the slate of bowl games leading into the pointy end of the season serves as a welcome canvas to argue with friends and family over relatively meaningless things.

Yeah, sorry, you're getting more Linus & Lucy.

Chinese food near me.

Take the week off, order something easy.

Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl: Cal vs Hawai’i (8 pm, ESPN)

Timmy Chang’s Hawai’i team was such a joy to watch all season. The Rainbow Warriors put up almost 300 passing yards per game and feature the best kicker in the country. They’ll take on former coach Nick Rolovich, now the interim at Cal, in a game that promises to be perfect Christmas Eve bowl shootout.

As an aside – I get the logistical reasons for it, but it is kind of a bummer that the Rainbow Warriors only seem to ever get to play bowls in their home state. Of the now 16 bowl invitations in school history, only three have been in games off the islands. Let Hawai’i go to Tampa!

GameAbove Sports Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Northwestern (1 pm, ESPN)

Middle of the road teams from the MAC and B1G meet in Detroit and, look, it’s football on TV. Whoever show sup more motivated to play will probably win by two touchdowns.

Rate Bowl: New Mexico vs. Minnesota (4:30 pm, ESPN)

New Mexico is once again pulling out the most perfect college football uniforms ever created, but they’ll face a stiff challenge from PJ Fleck and Minnesota’s 8-game bowl win streak. Get familiar with New Mexico coach Jason Eck, who has engineered two stunning reclamation projects now, before he takes a Power 5 job next year.

SERVPRO First Responder Bowl: Florida International vs. UTSA (8 pm, ESPN)

Hey, did you realize that neither of these teams are in CUSA anymore? Because I watch a lot of college football and did not know that! 

UTSA coach Jeff Traylor looks to avoid his first-ever losing season, while WIllie Simmons and the Panthers secured their first winning record in seven years already. The Roadrunners have a talent advantage, but haven’t been able to put together any kind of consistent run all season.

Go Bowling Military Bowl: Pitt vs East Carolina (11 am, ESPN)

This should have been one of the more entertaining Power 5 vs G5 matchups of the bowl season, but a raft (get it?) of departures from ECU puts a damper on this game. The Pirates will be without offensive coordinator John David Baker (who took the same job at Ole Miss), along with transfer portal castaways in quarterback Katin Houser and leading receivers Yannick Smith and Jayvontay Conner. 

Remembering some guys alert: Houser’s departure means the likely starter at quarterback is Mike Wright, who has had one of the more fascinating journeys in college football going from Vanderbilt to Mississippi State to Northwestern and now ECU.

Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl: Penn State vs Clemson (Noon, ABC)

lol, these teams were No. 2 and 4 in the AP preseason poll.

Wasabi Fenway Bowl: UConn vs Army (2:15 pm, ESPN)

Low-key maybe the most fascinating matchup of this bowl stretch. UConn was legitimately good all year, beating ACC champion Duke and going undefeated in regulation (don’t look at who the three losses were too, it’s still impressive). Army wasn’t up to past standards but the triple always makes for good bowl viewing, especially when field conditions at Fenway promise to be atrocious as always.

Pop-Tarts Bowl: No. 22 Georgia Tech vs No. 12 BYU (3:30 pm, ABC)

Forget the first sentence of the last blurb, this is the most-anticipated matchup of the entire non-playoff bowls. After Notre Dame declined an invitation to the game (either because they’re mad about being left out of the playoff field, or because they disagree with the Pop-Tars Bowl’s interpretation of transubstantiation), the bowl organizers decided to bless us with some truly wonderful college football-ness:

Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl: Miami (OH) vs Fresno State (4:30 pm, The CW)

Miami is looking to win the Arizona Bowl for a second-straight year, and if that doesn’t get you up off your seat, I don’t know what will.

Isleta New Mexico Bowl: No. 25 North Texas vs San Diego State (5:45 pm, ESPN)

Two teams who fell just short of playoff consideration. As with any game featuring G5 teams, most of the players who made these season special will not be appearing. Something needs to change with the calendar, or bowls need to be able to outright pay players to show up and restore matchups like this to some sort of prominence.

TaxSlayer Gator Bowl: No. 19 Virginia vs Missouri (7:30 pm, ABC)

Man, just some weird seasons for these teams. Both had more than reasonable shots to make the playoff, but faltered down the stretch and face uncertain futures. Missouri quarterback Beau Pribula is weirdly in the transfer portal after a stellar start to the year, and rushing back to return after a broken leg. Virginia could cap off its best season in years (decades?) with a win, and is probably the more motivated team.

Kinder’s Texas Bowl: LSU vs No. 21 Houston (9:15 pm, ESPN)

A classic of the genre, Houston has been so much better than LSU this year, but the Tigers obviously have a massive talent advantage. Toss a coin to pick the winner, expect a couple highlight-worthy plays and tons of points.

JLAB Birmingham Bowl: Georgia Southern vs App State (2 pm, ESPN)

Rivalry rematches in bowl games are so sick. More of this, please.

We’ll wrap things up with the traditional Fifth Quarter battle between South Carolina State and Prairie View A&M following last week’s Celebration Bowl.