It didn't have to be like this.

Except, it’s Lane Kiffin, so it kind of did. 

Instead of rehashing the absolute mess the last few weeks have been in Oxford, and now Baton Rouge let’s play a game instead and rank Lane Kiffin’s exits from employers by acrimony and general messiness.

Always a quick stop on the way to something bigger, this gig at least gave us some really enjoyable awkward promo videos from 2017 signing day. All in all, no real feathers ruffled on this one.

In a move foreshadowing the current debacle, Lane took the FAU job ahead of Alabama’s 2016 playoff run and announced that he would continue working in Tuscaloosa until the season wrapped up. He called plays for the Crimson Tide in a 24-6 win over Washington in the semifinal, where Jalen Hurts only threw for 57 yards against the overmatched Huskies. Alarm bells started ringing when Lane started showing up late to team meetings, trying to balance interviewing assistants for his new job, and Lane was unceremoniously dumped by Nick Saban just a week before the title game against Clemson (because all politics are local in the SEC, he was replaced by Steve Sarkisian).

This was always a little bit of an odd pairing, but even department insiders recognized that Lane’s arrival in Tuscaloosa represented the single biggest retooling of the Alabama football program in the Saban era. That it ended in smoke wasn’t a surprise to anyone, especially after his previous stops.

Lane leaves behind a bona fide title contender just before they (likely) host a home playoff game to take the LSU job, where the Tigers could be anything – even a bona fide playoff contender hosting a home playoff game!

In the post-integration history of college football, almost everyone would agree that LSU is a better job. Ten years ago, I’m not sure anyone blinks at this move. But, Ole Miss has a significantly more organized NIL apparatus than the one in Baton Rouge – and no meddling governor who lives down the street either. This isn’t the slam dunk career jump it used to be, and that’s before we talk about Lane (and Lane’s people) dragging out the courting process in a very public way.

By the time clocks hit zero in the Egg Bowl on Friday, most Ole Miss fans were more than ready to pack the bags of the most successful coach they’ve had in modern history.

As much as could possibly be true, this one isn't even really about Lane. Hired by the Raiders as the (then) youngest head coach in NFL history, Lane quickly got on the wrong side of *ahem* mercurial owner Al Davis. After a dismal 4-12 season, and a major disagreement over drafting Jamarcus Russell, Davis tried to force Kiffin to resign and forfeit the remaining guaranteed $2 million on his contract. Lane refused, and went into the 2008 season firmly on the hottest of seats. After a 1-3 start, Davis fired him on a phone call.

And then, the press conference. You know, the one with an overhead projector:

An arbiter would later confirm that the Raiders had been correct to fire Kiffin for cause, vindicating Davis and his long list of complaints about the coach. I’m not sure we’ll ever again see an NFL owner call the coach he just fired “a flat-out liar” and guilty of "bringing disgrace to the organization,” but that also might’ve just been an Al Davis thing.

“Brief.”

Following a program legend is a tough ask for any head coach, much less a 33-year-old who just had his dirty laundry aired out via overhead projector. Tennessee fans are, for better or worse, maybe the most emotional fanbase among major college football programs and dropping that version of Lane into Knoxville was always sure to produce fireworks following the departure of Phil Fulmer.

A 7-6 season that didn’t exactly inspire promise was foreseeable, as were the numerous instances where lane found himself on the wrong side of NCAA rules and out of favor with the old SEC guard.

What no one saw coming was exactly how it would end, with Kiffin leaving in essentially the middle of the night for his “dream” USC job. The coach, and consigliere Ed Orgeron, reportedly called players and told them not to go to class so they could maintain academic eligibility to immediately transfer to USC with the pair.

As you can imagine, none of this went over well. Hundreds of Tennessee students voiced their displeasure across campus, including the infamous burning mattress.

A firing so memorable that “tarmac” is forever in the college football lexicon. What a legacy.

The Egg Bowl: No. 6 Ole Miss 38, Mississippi State 19

Unexpectedly uninteresting on the field, the Rebels pretty much rolled from start to finish on Black Friday before the weekend’s most-reported storyline played out within the Ole Miss football offices.

Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate: No. 4 Georgia 16, No. 16 Georgia Tech 9 

Georgia won this ranked rivalry matchup with only 70 passing yards from Gunner Stockton, which sounds a lot like something Kirby Smart would put up on his vision board for a successful season. The Dawgs might be the country’s most versatile good team, capable of winning thrilling shootouts and also whatever this game was.

Tech ends the year on a down note, with three losses in the final month of the season, but this was one of the most enjoyable teams to watch in the country. Few bowl games get the must-watch designation anymore, but Haynes King’s finale in gold should be one of the ones to highlight.

Lone Star Showdown: No. 17 Texas 27, No. 3 Texas A&M 17

Oh, oh no, Aggies. The one thing that couldn’t happen did, and in the most painful way possible. Texas A&M’s best regular season in a generation came to a careening halt as Arch Manning and the Longhorns broke out in the second half, knocking A&M out of their first SEC title appearance and breathing life into the previously dead-in-the-water Longhorn playoff hopes.

Governor's Cup: Kentucky 0, Louisville 41

Yeah, this is the kind of performance that gets the best coach in school history fired, $38 million buyout be damned.

Palmetto Bowl: South Carolina 14, Clemson 28

We’re kind of out of ways to say how disappointing this South Carolina season has been, maybe just listen to this sad piano version of Sandstorm instead of us trying to come up with another convoluted metaphor.

No. 8 Oklahoma 17, LSU 13

The kind of win you need to take a shower after watching, which is what Oklahoma has been for most of the season now. The Sooners might not be a good football team, but they could also muddy up any game enough to beat anyone in the country. What I’m saying is their first round playoff game will be fascinating, no matter what.

No. 14 Vanderbilt 45, No. 18 Tennessee 24

We’re going to ignore the playoff scenario for now, because it probably isn't happening for Vanderbilt, but this was the kind of endcap that the best season in school history deserved. Diego Pavia put up his fourth 400-yard game in a row and the Commodores hit the afterburners in the second half to beat Tennessee for the first time since 2018 and hit double-digit wins for the first time in school history.

Battle Line Rivalry: Missouri 31, Arkansas 17

Arkansas was unable to maintain its season-long positive point differential, and now is only notable for being the best 2-10 team you may ever watch.

Florida 40, Florida State 21

One of these teams fired their coach a month ago and you would not have been able to guess which by watching any of the game.

Iron Bowl: No. 10 Alabama 27, Auburn 20

One of these teams fired their coach a month ago and you could definitely tell which one it was. If Auburn had also fired whoever prepped the receiver gloves pregame – this is not a bit, I genuinely cannot remember seeing a single team drop more passes in one game – the Tigers might have won anyways, such is the haunted nature of Iron Bowls in Jordan-Hare.

Yes, Southern pulled out Juvenile for their halftime show in the Bayou Classic, and they also beat Grambling. Tough to say anyone had a better weekend than the Jaguars and their Human Jukebox Marching Band.

No. 1 Ohio State 27, No. 15 Michigan 9 

We still haven’t seen this Ohio team sweat once all year, either the sign that they’re going to trample the field come playoffs, or they’re going to do what No. 1 Oregon did last year and flame out following a bye because they haven't been tested.

No. 12 Miami 38, No. 22 Pitt 7

It’s entirely possible that the ACC champion could get left out of the playoff field, but Miami gets in as an at-large, which would seem to undermine the entire structure of this sport’s postseason if you think a little too hard about it.

No. 18 Virginia 27, Virginia Tech 7

The roadblock to that scenario would be Virginia, maybe the most under-appreciated storyline in the sport this year, which could win its first ACC title since 1995. Fitting the constant source of “wait, what?” humor that is the ACC, the Cavaliers qualify for the championship game because their September loss to NC State was technically a non-conference game.

Cal 38, No. 21 SMU 35

Facing the Cavaliers in Charlotte will be… not one of these teams. Cal’s win over heavily-favorted SMU keeps the Mustangs from a potential second-straight trip to the playoffs, and instead bumped the 7-5 Duke Blue Devils into the championship based on a higher conference opponent winning percentage than Miami, SMU, Pitt and Georgia Tech. Perfect sport, no notes.

FCS: No. 21 Yale 43, No. 13 Youngstown State 42

The Ivy League secured its first-ever win in the FCS playoffs thanks to an insane comeback by Yale, who trailed 35-7 at halftime. Look at this chart!

Spiritual successor to The Annexation of Puerto Rico from Little Giants.